Blood, guts, & the fantastic abs that encase them

So John and I went to a double feature at the Foothills theater the other day. They have this really sweet deal there, you see, where one can get into two (or even three, if you're really dedicated) movies for the price of one. They just don't know about it, fortunately enough.

We decided that our initial film would be the one that has many of the gays atwitter...but since "Bad Bear Truckers" wasn't playing there, we saw "300" instead. The movie (like you didn't already know) focuses on ancient Sparta (where, apparently, there was a magical well of steroid water and a Gold's Gym) defending itself from the Persian army (who, I didn't realize, were led by a fierce drag princess). The hot 'n' beefy king of Sparta leads his army on a mission to fend off the hoards of angry stereotypes despite not getting approval from blah blah blah...the important thing you need to know is that there is lots of beefcake to be seen pretty much in every other shot.

The thing that I also never realized about the Spartans was that they were cursed by the ancient god Metrosexuous to be able to grow hot, thick beards on their handsome faces, but not a single hair on their uber-muscular bodies. Anywhere. At all. Not that I studied or inspected every bit of exposed man-flesh that one could see through the Spartans' special warrior armor (read: leather underwear and a cape), cause I didn't...ever stop.












The woofy Gerard Butler manages to protect himself from the driving rain while keeping his bulging pecs perfectly dry.


Anyway, the movie (aside from making me yearn to hit the gym about 50 times harder) was pretty entertaining overall. It was a lot more violent and gore-filled than I was expecting, but given that it was directed by Zack Snyder who helmed the awesome remake of "Dawn of The Dead" (which sent my irrational zombie fear to a whole new level of crazy) I should have anticipated as such. One area I was a little disappointed in was the visual effects. Don't get me wrong, the visuals were incredible and some even beautiful, but they weren't nearly as adventurous as that other Frank-Miller-graphic-novel-adaptation "Sin City". Given that that film took some pride in exploiting the comic book genre's diverse visual abilities, with very entertaining and visually enticing effect, I expected some of the same chances to be taken with this film. One of the only moments that really lived up to that expectation, for me, was the cool animation sequence that they used for the closing credits.

As for the homophobic slant that many feel the movie had going on, one could certainly see where that idea would come from. There is a part where the Spartan king insults the Athenians by calling them "boy lovers", and the main villain looks like he does his eyebrows with a sharpie and wears more tacky jewelry than Mr. T. I will say, however, that I think that the latter has more to do with just trying to come up with a way to make said villain look creepy and unnatural. I guess when all else fails make him androgynous, which will make him look that much weirder in comparison to the super-butch hero. The "boy lover" comment-presumably referring to the ancient Greek practice of older men taking in younger boys as their...uh..."special" trainees-I'm guessing was to try and make us think that such a practice was not used in Sparta. The guys only train semi-nude together...and hug and embrace a lot between battles. All of this, along with the new and creative ways in which the king's queen's cleavage was displayed in every shot of her, I'm guessing was meant to be like the bikini-clad girl that they trot out between rounds during a Ultimate Fighting Championship match. Despite the fact that we're watching these hot studs roll around on the floor with each other, sweaty and underwear-clad, these girls are supposed to snap us back to a hetero-centric world. Cause they sure wouldn't want any of the guys who convince themselves that they watch said sporting event strictly for the...uh...sport of it, to let their minds wander to questions like "What if they weren't wearing anything at all...and were rolling around, sweaty together on the floor NOT beating the living shit out of each other?"

So the 2nd feature wound up being "The Hills Have Eyes 2". In it, a troop of National Guardsfolk try to battle an encampment of people who are descended from that "Sloth" guy in "The Goonies"...but with a penchant for slaughter and mayhem. I won't bore you with another full on review, I'll just say this...it's a sequel, that's actually a remake...yes, that's right, a sequel-remake. Also it tends to lean more to gross-out gore for scares then actual suspense. Despite all that, it's decent, and has a few (intentionally and unintentionally) funny moments to balance out the gore.

All in all, a bloody good double matinée! (Sorry, couldn't help myself)

Random Beef

One of the things I definitely intend on doing with this blog, as alluded to in my 1st post, is the the exhibition of some good old fashioned eye candy. Specifically, I want to have beef that's geared a bit more toward my tastes than what one usually finds on a gay blog (ie. Big, beefy, hairy, older dudes NOT the skinny, hairless guys who look like they really ought to be in wood-shop, instead of...uh...shopping for wood).

My dilemma was in how to present the feature of said hot gentlemen. I thought that a "beef-o-the-day" would be really great, but I know me...and I wouldn't be nearly regular enough (no fiber comments, please). Then I thought that a weekly feature would be fun, like "Beefcake Tuesdays" or something. But that's way too regimented for me. So I settled on "Random Beef". Because what's more fun than getting surprised by coming to the blog, not knowing when to expect some fresh hotness?

So without further ado...


Today's Random Beef is Pride(?) Fighter Jeff Monson

Homer's pizza-Jimbo-lotteria-brownie extravaganza!

As usual, I'm suffering from my way-too-early-in-the-morning insomnia thing. The weird thing is that it's always from being hungry. My grumbling stomach wakes me up and keeps me that way until I find something in the pantry to satisfy its greedy little pangs. So I thought this would be the perfect time to make my 2nd ever blog-post.

So last night we went over to Homer's place for a little pizza party thing he was hosting in honor of his friend Jimbo's last night in town. I was a little surprised at first when Homer said the main course would be pizza, given his DIY culinary leanings. I thought "will it be delivery, or DiGorno?". I shouldn't have been the least bit surprised, however that his pizzas were not only delicious, but made from scratch (yes, even the dough as far as I could tell). Said Homer-made treats (he coined the phrase, I can't take credit) were followed up by an awesome brownie and ice cream dessert.

After gorging on the pizza, we all played Mexican bingo (AKA Lotteria). I'm ashamed to say that despite being the only person with Mexican lineage there (yes, I'm making assumptions) I'd never really heard of it. Not only that, but everyone else's Spanish interpretations of the words on the cards were far beyond my "Donde esta el bano?" level of Spanish vocabulary. BAD half-Mexican. BAD!

Those who won at the lotteria were given fun prizes. I won twice, for which I got a plastic farm animal set (I heard that snicker, you), and a toy beauty set, which I traded for a do-rag. Homer's blog currently has the least-flattering-photo-ever of me in said article, go check it out...good times. John won, like, four times. He brought home a treasure-trove of goodies.

Since I'm not sure yet how to do captions, I'll put them up here as according to the photos:

1. The cards on which one plays Mexican bingo.

2. Perfect host Homer playing "Julie" (the social director of our cruise).

3. My little furball, likely laughing about embittering those who he won more than.

4. Adorable sweetheart Jimbo, showing off some of his prizes.

5. Wise guy Patrick showing humble respect to his Virgin Mary night light.

It's my first time...please don't be gentle.

So I thought I'd try to be cool like all the other kids out there in internet-land and try out this whole blogging thing. Problem is, it's about 12:30 am and I can't really think of anything pithy or clever to post. So, I suppose, it's like the first time at alot of things then...awkward, stumbling and not quite what you were hoping for.

So, am I supposed to start out with a mission statement, or a prime directive of my plans for posting? Too nerdy, or not nerdy enough?

Should I make this my arena for posting hot beefcake and sundry related items (as per the name)? Should it be my political soap box for my leftist, godless rantings? Or should I just post my every day meanderings to see if anyone out there would actually be so bored as to read about them?

I guess, for now, I'll say yes. To all of the above. But mostly I'll just try to actually post (any) stuff on a more than yearly basis. That sounds like a deal I can almost certainly (maybe) keep with myself.